// thoughts

Where to begin?! Well I woke up this morning after the weekends of weekends after 3 hours late for work - I had left a message for my supervisor earlier at 4am to let him know that I just got back from the retreat and that I'm going to be a little late.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FRIDAY NIGHT
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Ready, go go go
I got home early from work and try to take care of things, clean up, get ready for the retreat, pick up the van from Tita Jane, pack, cut my hair, all that good stuff.

I picked up the van and took it to the carwash to get it cleaned just a little bit. Funny thing was that it only had one row of seats, which worked out b/c there were a lot of "things" that the candidates brought.

So I get home, and start getting ready, cut my hair, pack, iron my clothes and get dressed. I was nervous like a mofo! Scared, nervous, anxious, everything and anything possible, I was feeling it.

Get done cutting the hair and was talking to Dudoy and Diday before we were going to leave. They both seemed a bit bummed out because their candidates backed out - all of Dudoys and Diday only had one left out of so many. I saw the sadness in their face because their friends started making up excuses and things came up so they wouldn't go anymore.

I was supposed to leave at 7 to pick up Ted's candidates at his job around 7:30ish. We went downstairs around 7 to 7:30 and I was waiting for Em because there were 8 candidates we had to pick up and we needed another van to fit them in! So I waited around for another hour and a half before I left to go since Em went to confession and was still getting the van.

Waited around outside with the kids, Kuya Noli and them were loading some things so I helped a bit. Kuya Willie was also there so we chit chatted for a while too . A few of Diday's friends come in front of the house and just hang out, these were some of the ones who backed out already. So after a little while of talking, they go and get their stuff from their house and I saw Diday and Dudoy's faces when their friends decided to go again! They were so happy and had that little sparkle in their eye.

Some of the NyC Youth came back with the Kali Youth from confession and we were just waiting around for a while until Em got the van. Ted was calling me like crazy asking me what time I was going to come by and pick them up.

So I finally left around 8pm from Ridgewood to go pick them up, and I took some of the servers things with me since there was a lot of room for their bags. I went to gas up on the way there, got back in the van and man I swear the other side was trying hard to throw me off course, I'd later figure out why the other side was working so hard to mess this retreat up.

Bring it on!
After gasing up and driving about a block from the gas station and I'm sitting on my jacket, so it's hard to steer. I try pulling out the jacket from under my leg and I didn't pull that hard but then I heard a pop on the right side of my body - I couldn't feel my arm and my right side went numb! Then I had this horrible pain shoot down my arm and all through the right side of my body. I pulled over to just relax and let the pain go away. Sat there for about five minutes in one of the most painful things I've ever experienced! I thought it was just going to go away, but after 5 minutes it didn't, I started to panic just a little bit. All the times when I talked to G bout heart-attacks, he said that you'd get numb in your arms, and I thought I was having a heart attack or a stroke! Seriously, I thought I was going to die before I even made it close to the retreat. I laid there for a bit, then I call my brother to come get me, but he's already on the bridge, then I call Mark up to help me out, when I called him he sounded really worried when I told him what happened, and said the same thing that I was thinking - "man tanings working hard man." After a minute on the phone with mark, the pain subsided, but I couldn't move my arm much - still a bit numb and really really weak.

I drive over to Ted's place and wait for Em. I told Em that I can't drive and that Ashely (from Kali) would need to drive the van. It was a pretty scary thing to happen before the retreat, thinking you're about to die with no one around.

So I get to the place and I meet all of Ted's candidates and we just wait around for a bit - Ted's "kids" seemed pretty well behaved so that was a plus

We have arrived
Em, Carla and Ashley get there and Ash drives the van, so we're off to the actual retreat place. We got in at about 10 to 10:30pm.

OMG - we walked into the main hall and saw all these people! There were just soooooo many people there! Candidates, servers, whomever, it was just packed. Almost brought a tear to my eye when I looked over and I saw all the bags on the floor because I knew they were candidates' bags! Back on Tuesday, the last count was 57 confirmed - then by Friday afternoon, I find out that about 20 people had backed out, so that leaves around 37 confirmed now. Was a bit worried, and had some concerns but hope and faith still prevailed.

The servers were doing their jobs, we were getting things ready for the candidates, Ricardo was freaking out about being 1VR, and shing was too about being 2VR, especially since there was a lot more candidates than we would have ever expected! The count of candidates there at the retreat that night was 65 with more to come.

We waited up a bit and talked, got things ready, planning some things, and 4 more candidates showed up, making the total count of candidates 68+1! Yes that's right we have that many candidates! It was freakin' insane - the biggest youth retreat in NyC!

SATURDAY

Opening
The Rectors were scared about what they were going to say, what to do and everything else the Rectors were supposed to do. The other youth did their duties and we saw all the candidates on Saturday morning and, well like any other retreat, they just seemed to just wanna go home and forget the whole thing. We did our best to welcome them - when they were being introduced, we screamed and yelled each one of their names as if we've known them for years and years. A lot of us lose our voice that morning hAhAha. Our opening presentation was Siya Hamba and we sang it well but the way we did it just wasn't working since we tried something new and didn't practice .

Intimacy!
Saturday went on as planned, everything was "alright," with the candidates being bored out of their mind. Yikes, during the breaks it was hard to keep the "kids" under control because there was such a huge age gap in the candidates, 13 - 27. There were a few couples there and they were pretty much all up on each other, some of them actually making out and kissing! Yes folks, as soon as they walked out the front door for break, LIP-LOCK! SMOOCHES! MUAH!

Operation Third Wheel
Servers were still intimidated, even though we were older, we were still a bit "scared." Eventually we had come to a solution that if we see the candidates coupling up, we would take action and put into action operation third wheel (OTW). This is where one of the servers would go in between the couple and just start talking to them and make them feel as uncomfortable as ever so the "intimacy" level is dropped way beyond comprehension! At first no one was doing it, still scared.

Good ol' Stephanie
I saw this couple holding hands, and I turned the other way to see if there were any servers around, I turn back quick to the candidates, and I see Stephanie - yes, little, quiet, Stephanie - going up to them and talking to them! The couple tries to walk away to a more secluded area where there was a bridge - I was still trippin' on the fact that Stephanie of all people put OTW into effect! She followed the couple down to the bridge! Was standing right next to them and just talking, and talking, and talking - making things as unromantic as possible! She did a great job putting OTW into play!

Piety
The rolios continued, then came the Piety - O o O o O o o o yes here we go! Ate Janice from Bay Area did Piety. The servers were there listening outside of the rolio room and we shed a few tears when it got serious. The candidates, you could hear the sniffles, and the cries - they were starting to open up and let God into their lives, bit by bit.

The servers were pretty much composed, but then...Ate Janice says "...and the Staff and the servers! You've made so many promises..." and we just start balling like no tomorrow! I can't even remember what came after "promises" because it got really loud. The power with which she spoke, the love that flowed with her words, hit the candidates, hit the servers, and anyone that could hear her speak. It was so powerful, having the Holy Spirit in you can help you accomplish anything. Everyone started to open up here, people were talking more, emotionally they were able to let out whatever was in their hearts, whatever they were keeping, they were able to let some of it go - ask God for forgiveness, talk to Him, see Him, be with Him.

Mass and Confession, and Practice
After the Piety, we continued with the rolios and then had Mass and Confession. OMG I almost forgot one of the things that we had to do...PALANKAS!!! The Rectors had to do 69, each! Oh man, and all this was due at 3pm. There was no way I was going to be able to do that, Ricardo and Shing were able to do theirs, but I was writing personal messages to everyone and was only able to do about 29 of them. Man did my hand hurt...

The candidates then went to their rooms after the M & C. The servers stayed down to practice for Mananita and get ready for Social Hour. While we were practicing, we started noticing a change in one of our servers. Don is his name...at around 8:00pm he will undergo this transformation! He starts buggin' out! Yelling, being sooo energetic and so loud! LoL hAHHAhAhhahahAha while we were practicing for Social Hour, Don was there and they were asking if we should do one more practice. Don started yelling to practice "one more time, one more time!"

The skit that we were going to do was something that the Kali people helped us a lot with. It was to help portray the evil in the world and how it's all around us. But with God by our side we have the power to lay down the evil in this world. Jan from Bay Area was the regular guy, Eser from Maryland played Jesus, and the rest of the youth played all the evils.

At first I didn't think the skit was going to be effective, I thought it was kinda lame and weird - the other side was getting to me. I fought it off and saw the deeper meaning in the skit, I saw the portrayal of the different aspects of life and saw the power that comes with and from God.

Every freakin' retreat!
We headed back to the cabins to get some rest after the practices. We learned that some of the guys snuck out and were caught by the girls cabin! loL! hAhHAa great story on how this happened, that we can laugh at now since the retreat finished . Three guys went down to the girls cabin, there they knocked on the window to get some girls to come out, but they knocked on the wrong window! So the girl next to the window screamed, LOUD! And started yelling that there was a ghost in the window! Tita Naty told her to sleep and that there's nothing there, but she insisted that there was something there! So they went to check and the three guys were caught, Kuya Ed (assigned to security) was flashing the flash light on them as if they were criminals!

Focus
After we learned about that, we talked to the servers to focus on the retreat again, and stop playing around since the candidates aren't all there yet, they haven't all opened up. We did a little sharing that night, I fell asleep after a few minutes, but everyone else was sharing good stuff, and people were actually lisenting! I knocked out with Archie talking to be the last thing I remember.

SUNDAY

Good Morning!
Sunday started off early with Mananita and this wasn't the best Mananita that we've done, we were so capable of doing more. It seemed that everyone wasn't singing or really awake enough to do it, but nontheless God was there. One of the candidates didn't want to wake up, so GB pushed his head into the cross to make him "kiss" it - hAhaha.

We can DANCE and SING!
We headed on downstairs after everyone got ready and got breakfast set. Singing cooks and waiters was on the menu! OMG some of these costumes were just too freakin' funny! hAhAhHahaa one of the best ones was Teds! hhahahahhahA - oh man I'll post these pictures as soon as I get them from arvin lol it was just too funny!

Go Jason it's your Birthday! Shake what Yo Mama Gave yA!
It was one of the candidates birthdays and I forgot about it, so we weren't able to get him a cake! We made this little "cake" just to sing a little happy birthday to him for breakfast - nicely toasted pan-de-sal surrounded by drizzled sweetened tomato paste, accented with slices of sausages from vienna, topped with chocolate covered in a colored crunchy shell amongst the sweetened tomato paste, with a candle and four elegantly decorated accessories added to the pan-de-sal. Lol AhhahAhahaa

Do a "Stephanie" on them couples!
After breakfast, they had a little break and OTW was taking effect, the couples couldn't get couply anymore since there was always another person there, and the servers weren't scared as much.

Boys vs Girls
Then we got ready for Social Hour and got the candidates ready. Once we told them about it, they started practicing their dance moves, singing, breaking and all that good stuff. You could see the excitement and the energy level raise from the opening on Satuday to the Social Hour, some of the candidates were into it a little more now. We sorta did "guys vs girls" and they were singing, dancing, some of them even showed a couple of line dances. Don gave some flowers and shimmy'd a few of the guys that were singing! hahAha, freakin Don!

Bring it back a bit...
Then we slowed down a bit when we did the skit, it was really really powerful! The song by Creed, Faceless Man went perfectly with it. Evil is all around us, it doesn't have a face and it can be anything or anyone around, evil can take any form, and this skit really helped portray that.

You could slowly see the candidates start to open themselves up to God and just let Him do His work, little by little. It didn't have to be a full acceptance, but just as long as they knew He was there, just as long as they knew that He existed in their lives and will never leave them alone no matter how bad things get.

It's done...err...it has JUST begun
Then it all came out when I saw the candidates, errr, graduates come out at the Graduation! OMG just like Shing said later to me, it felt like a fiesta! Everyone was just so into it, the floor was shaking, it was loud, it was so powerful to hear them all, new grads and servers alike!

Words of Sis. Grace De Jesus: I'm not done yet...

+ mon